Content Chaos: Our Miracle Baby

Kegan's Birth

I touched on Kegan's birth on facebook but I was still kind of giddy and high off of it that it didn't really come out the way I had intended to so i'm going to try again and hopefully it comes across I way I would like it to.

Kegan was an oops, plan and simple, no sugar coating here. He is the direct result of God's sense of humor. 6 weeks after Scott's vasectomy and a call back from the lab saying he was sterile I took the first of 6 pregnancy tests, all of which were positive. I had that sinking feeling as soon as I saw that "pregnant" show up on the digital test. I felt like I was in a dream. We did everything we were supposed to do to prevent another baby and yet here I was, standing in my bathroom shaking and trying not to have a full blown melt down in front of my kids. I called Scott right away and told him to come home right away. He could tell something was wrong and I had some mouth diarrea and screamed "i'm pregnant". He was shocked but cool as a cucumber. The second person I called was my friend Shannon who lived down the street. She calmed me down to the point that I wasn't shaking and her and Jess came over not too long after. I took 3 more tests (2 of which came out of Jess's car trunk lol) and all of them positive. At this point I realized that I had been having "symptoms" for weeks but chalked them up to all sorts of things. The crazy dreams and insomnia were because of my medication, the randomly puking in the gym parking lot after a workout were because I just pushed it a little too hard, the aversion to coffee...well I didn't know why coffee tasted terrible but it did (and it made me sad). I assumed I was around 8 or 9 week according to my last period and all that jazz.

My first doctors appointment was uneventful besides the bitch ass nurse assuming I cheated on my husband. My HCG levels confirmed a 6-8 week pregnancy, which was a little sooner than I expected but since I was still breastfeeding my cycles were wonky so there was really no way to tell until I had an ultrasound. My first ultrasound showed a healthy 8 week old baby, at that point I was thrilled, no longer upset of mad.

I knew that this baby was my chance to have a do over. I wanted a natural birth and holistic care. My first 3 births while very "by the book" were uneventful and resulted in healthy babies and mom. My OB is now a great friend of mine, she delivered all 3 babies (one of which on her day off) and I couldn't have asked for a better caregiver but this time around I wanted something different.

You always hear the horror stories of "it hurts so bad", "there's no medal for natural child birth" etc. and while I understand it isn't for everybody, for me it's something that I made into a goal of mine. I researched until I was blue in the face. I read blogs, watched videos and documentaries and crammed my brain so full of information that I considered myself a walking and talking encyclopedia.

My pregnancy was pretty uneventful except for a sinus infection and a few bouts of vertigo, oh, and that little trip we made across country when I was 6 months pregnant...

My first two trimesters were great. I felt great, thought I looked pretty good and was still able to keep up with my minions. My third trimester hit me like a brick wall. At 36 weeks baby had a growth spurt and I was suddenly carrying around a basketball. Everything made me tired, walking, talking, breathing...

That magical 37 week rolled around and at that point I had been having some "signs" of impending labor. Back pain, cramping, loss of mucus plug etc. I thought "any day now"...I said that to myself for the next month. I had prodromal labor for weeks, consistent contractions for 4 or 5 hours, they hurt but they always went away when I went to sleep. This was exhausting.

My mother in law came to stay with us the week I turned 39 weeks. She was our back up when we had to go to the hospital since we didn't know too many people yet.

My due date came and went with lots of tears. I was so big and so awkward. My body hurt and I just wanted to crawl in a hole until he showed up.

The day before I turned 41 weeks I noticed an increase in "discharge". Every time I would stand up I would get a little gush so I phoned my midwife. She told me to keep an eye on it and come in if it stayed consistent. Well it did, so we were off to the hospital. During my pregnancy I researched all forms of birth from home birth (which is what I really wanted but due to insurance purposes it just wasn't possible) to hospital birth. I knew I wanted a midwife but finding a midwife that delivered in a place that a. we could afford and b. that we felt comfortable with was difficult. The midwife group with OHSU fit our needs perfectly. I would be able to have a water birth with a midwife! Even though we were in a hospital setting, I never felt like it.

When we got to L&D triage we did a quick NST and all was well. We determined my water was leaking and it was up to us if we wanted to go home and wait for it to burst or labor to start or to stay and break it the rest of way...we chose the latter.

I was so amped up and excited at this point. I was getting my dream birth and we were going to be meeting our miracle baby very shortly.

I've been told before (by Karissa, my OB friend) that I have a "bag of steel" and that proved true this time around too lol. It took a minute to get a hole big enough in my waters but once we did the river started flowing! When my midwife was doing the procedure I was 4 cm, immediately after I water broke and baby dropped down I was a 6cm and a 100%. I think I did a little dance in the bed.

I changed into my night gown and robe and sat down on the yoga ball where I spent the majority of early labor, chatting with Scott and watching The Big Bang Theory. Contractions started pretty much immediately and were completely manageable. My midwife and nurse left us alone during this time which was wonderful. Around 8pm my midwife and Scott and I went on a walk around L&D. My contractions picked up in intensity and time. My midwife did counter pressure while swayed and rocked on the handrails along the walls. She was so fantastic. We walked for about 45 minutes, contractions getting closer and closer and much more stronger and then decided that I wanted to try the tub *Funny side note: my nurse was filling the tub as we were walking and got called to another room and forgot turn the hose off, we almost had a flood lol*

I stripped down to nothing but my bra and got in the water. It was heavenly! The water was so warm and I suddenly felt 20lbs lighter. I was able to move and sway without looking like a bull in a china shop.

Within 5 minutes of being in the tub the first "real" contraction hit. Now I use the term "real" because the pain associated with the other contractions was pleasant in a way. They were a slow and easy build up with a peak and then a slow decline. What I had just experienced was not that. This contraction came on fast and hard. There was no slow build up, it hurt and it hurt right away. I chose to moan through my early labor contractions as sort of a diversion, to keep my mind focused on something else other than the pain. The sounds I made during this contraction were not voluntary, they just came out. After that first contraction in the tub I wasn't so sure that I would be able to do it but I pushed that thought away very quickly. I knew I could do this.

From that point until delivery is a bit of a blur. My contractions were right on top of each other, there was no break and no relief. I remember squeezing the life out of Scott's hand and trying to keep myself calm. My inner monologue during this was filled with expletives and cursing my husband for doing this to me but it all came out as "oooooohhhhhh ssshhhiiiiiitttttttt", or something of the sort.

During my laboring in the tub my midwife and nurse left us alone and let me do what I needed to do. I had no wires or monitors, it was very freeing. I had a hep-loc placed for an emergency but that was it. I labored on my knees with arms hung over the tub for the majority of my transition phase. I was afraid to move quite honestly. I was afraid that if I moved there would be no turning back. Looking back that's a bit ridiculous...

At around 1130 my midwife came in because she could here me down the hall (oops) and asked to check me. Mind you I only had 2 internal checks the entire time I was in labor; once to break my water and at this point. I heard angels singing when she said "you're 10cm". Now here's the nice part, when I had my other babies that "10cm" statement led to a flurry of activity; nurses flying around, people in and out, lights being turned on, scrubs being donned. None of that happened this time, the only words spoken were from my midwife and she said "listen to your body and your baby". How empowering is that?!

She asked me if I wanted to give a practice push since I wasn't feeling "pushy" yet. I was scared but I decided this baby was going to come out regardless so I gave it a try. Things took a turn very quickly after that. One little push kicked my body into "crazy, primal, animalistic" Marli. It was intense. I was making noises that I didn't realize a human could make but there was no stopping. My body completely took over and I was just along for the ride at this point.

I felt him starting to move down but then felt him stop, at that exact moment I had an intense burning in my back. It was worse than the contractions. I remember yelling "my back! he's breaking my back!" My midwife put me in a different position and I felt him turn and get into the right position, amazing! I never felt anything like that with my epidurals. Now that back pain was replaced by the ring of fire (and she burns, burns, burns that ring of fire, the ring of fire!). I remember him crowning and screaming that I didn't want to do it anymore, that I would stay pregnant forever if I didn't have to do this anymore (ironic huh?). This entire time my midwife was pretty silent and letting me do what I needed to do but I noticed an urgency in her voice when she said that I needed to push harder than I've ever pushed before. I wasn't sure why, but I did what she asked. I felt a horrible pain as she reached up to grab his shoulder that had gotten stuck on my pelvis. That was the only point in my labor that I screamed.

During the entire delivery my amazing husband was right there next to midwife, applying counter pressure and getting ready to catch that baby. The few times I opened my eyes he was grinning from ear to ear.

The actual delivery of Kegan happened really quickly. As soon as my midwife freed his shoulder he pretty much shot out like a cannonball. It caught Scott by surprise as he floated right up to the top of the water! He was handed to me and I bawled like a baby. I've never cried during my other deliveries which I assume is because of all the drugs I have running through my system but this time around I was so overcome with emotion. I laughed and cried all at the same time. I did it. I actually did it. There are no words to describe the feeling of birthing a baby all on your own, no drugs, no interventions. I was speechless.

I was lifted out of the tub because my "just gave birth legs" were not getting me out on my own. I got in bed with my new baby who immediately latched to my breast and we stayed there for a good hour while he fed and I reveled in my new found woman power.

To me, he didn't look big. He just looked like a squishy newborn but the scale thought otherwise. My 4th baby, our miracle baby, was 10lbs 7oz and 22 1/2" long. I just gave birth to a 3 month old, without drugs. I wanted to convene a press conference.

Kegan's birth is something that I will never, never forget. It changed me in ways that I didn't possible. I feel like i'm part of some secret birth club now. I still get giddy when I think about my labor and delivery.

If you've hung in this long, kudos! I wanted somewhere that I could document this, so I can look back in 15 or 20 years and bring these feelings and memories back. So thanks for sharing this special experience with me.